Living Today Candied Love Lessons BY GREG EUBANKS The morning after! Valentine’s Day has come and gone again, and many are faced with the evidence of yesterday’s romance. Wilting flowers, dirty dishes, dried candle wax and a mile-high stack of those conversation candy hearts. Do you know them? I’m talking about those hard, sugary candy hearts with pithy messages. This morning probably finds many of the following types of people: the newly engaged, the newly married, the lonely, the broken-hearted, those intoxicated by the rush of a new relationship, and those hopeful for the next one. Most, perhaps, got caught up in the swirling rush of emotion and need some of the wisdom found in those candies. Much like the sugary concoctions on which these statements are printed, many lack substance: "URA STAR" and "CUTIE PIE," for example. Let me encourage you, though, to pour those candies out onto the table and sift through the messages. I recently did just that, and I found some interesting patterns, a wakeup call or two, and some frighteningly random thoughts chiseled onto the shell of those hearts. First, an overall impression: the underlying theme is quite selfish. To the makers of this candy, it seems, it’s all about me. MY GIRL, MY MAN, MY LOVE, MY WAY. Interesting! PAGE ME, FAX ME, IM ME, WRITE ME, CALL ME, HUG ME, LOVE ME, KISS ME, ASK ME, MARRY ME! It’s exhausting. I’m not sure I could keep up with these demands. These candies sound quite needy. Not to mention controlling and potentially jealous and resentful. From there, it only gets worse. The candies tend to take a demanding stance, ordering their beloved to perform, or else. BE TRUE, BE GOOD, BE NICE, BE MINE. Sounds like friendships outside this pairing are over. Just when you begin to exert some independence from this candy, it begins to lay on the guilt and the sappy emotional pleas. MISS YOU, ONLY YOU, LOVE YOU, FOR YOU, ONLY YOU, NEW YOU. That last one catches my attention. As if the current me isn’t good enough. I need to be new and improved. Upgraded! These candies must not love me for who I am. I did some research on these conversational candy hearts, because after this exercise I was curious. I happened upon a company named Despair, Inc. which sells "Bittersweets: Valentine’s Candy for the Rest of Us." Evidently, these alternative candies come in two boxes: Dejected and Dysfunctional. I laughed at the sayings at first, then I realized that they accurately expressed the thoughts of many. I CRY ON Q. SETTLE 4LESS. STATIC CLING. DIGNITY FREE. U+ME=GRIEF. BE MY PRISON. Ouch! I hope that most of us have more confidence than to settle for the horrible dates and potential spouses described by "Bittersweets." For those who may feel trapped in dating relationships like these, I did eventually find one great saying among them: C THAT DOOR? When relationships go right, though, it can be great. MAGIC, according to one candy, though it had a corner chipped off. We can have honest, mature relationships that enjoy the rush of Valentine’s Day but can GET REAL long enough to withstand the ebb and flow of emotions and find love in the imperfections of our partner. It’s a NEW LOVE – one that I HOPE everyone has a chance to experience.